The Power of Hearing No

By: Peter Madden

We’ve all been there, from the time we are children to today – in business.

Whether trying out for the school play, a sports team, a band, or more, from a very early age, we experience the suffering of being rejected.

I remember in my case, on a number of occasions, I would get the No. And immediately spiral into negative self-reflection and self-doubt.

“I should have done X, Y, or Z, and I would have made the team.”

“Maybe I’m just not that good, what a waste of time.”

“I’m so embarrassed, I really thought I was going to get chosen.”

Recently, my daughter Bianca tried out for a lacrosse team she desperately wanted to be a part of. And in the end, it simply wasn’t her time. And as any parent knows, how we wish we could take their place and save them the feeling of not being “good enough.”
After I found out, I wrote her a note to let her know that No is a fact of life. And in the note, I reflected that the key is turning the No into a Go. Meaning keep moving and don’t look back. It also made me reflect on my lessons learned when AgileCat doesn’t get the “nod.” Because let’s face it, whether you sell insurance, IT, or burgers, no one bats a thousand. Perhaps you can lean on the 3 lessons below the next time the answer isn’t Yes.

1. “Some will, some won’t, who’s next?” – this was shared with me many, many years ago by a good friend and mentor. I interpreted it as: you can waste a lot of time feeling sorry for yourself and beating yourself up, but what’s the point? Quickly dust yourself off and take aim at the next target.
2. Get to Why – a colleague and I talked about one very important lesson when you don’t get selected. LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT. When we aren’t picked, we always investigate reasoning from the person/people responsible for the decision. Ultimately, if we missed the mark, it’s important to know why. These conversations are typically helpful If (big if) the person is candid about it. But there are times the ‘halo effect’ kicks in where they simply don’t want to be critical. The below is a way to get around this.
3. The Big 3 – Ask the decision maker(s) 3 reasons your business wasn’t chosen. As I’ve learned, the First reason given is not completely the truth. The Second reason is getting to the truth. The Third is the actual reason. Try this next time and I promise you will find the results intriguing.
4. Give Doubt the Boot – it’s easy to think that perhaps you don’t “have the goods.” Give me a break. One person, one company, who didn’t think you or your company wasn’t a fit is just ONE. Reflect on the great work and experiences you’ve had with clients that trust you and appreciate your product. Live there, don’t wallow in doubt. This is non-negotiable.

In the end, I trust the Universe. When it isn’t our time, it simply wasn’t meant to be. And when a prospect chooses a competitor, I often revisit their work months later. It’s been rare that I’ve found the work something I would be proud of.

So the next time you get the No, do your best to learn why. Then just press Go. That next Win is right around the corner, I promise.