Jet That Java

By: Peter Madden

One of the latest internet debates (and because it’s an online debate, it’s sublimely ridiculous) is one I might as well jump into. Why not?

It’s about people showing up to an interview with a coffee, hot or iced, in hand. On one side is Gen Z, telling the Boomers to get over it because, after all, it’s all about whomever the most qualified candidate is. Right?

Wrong.

After 25 years of interviewing candidates, and prior to that, seven years of interviewing for different positions myself, I feel highly qualified to offer an opinion on why you shouldn’t bring any kind of beverage to an interview. Away we go…

1. It’s distracting. I’m convinced that if I were in this situation, I would have trouble making eye contact, let alone holding a conversation. The container might as well be six feet tall. It’s a psychological blocker and a flow disruptor. I want to focus on your portfolio, your perspective, and your questions about the position, not the Starbucks mermaid.
2. It makes you look like a baby with a bottle. Your coffee should have a nipple on it, so why not whip out a blanky to feel extra safe? That caffeinated beverage makes you look childish, not professional.
3. It shows you don’t know how to manage your time. Sure, who doesn’t like a nice java for a boost? But couldn’t you have visited your local roaster before the interview and finished your coffee there, in your car, or on the train before heading to the interview?
4. It’s cumbersome. Let’s say you have a laptop, iPad, or physical booklet of work samples. You walk in the door, and naturally, we shake hands. What do you do with your coffee? Balance it on your head so you can shift your work into your left hand and free up your right hand to shake mine? Or worse, put it on a table and leave a water ring behind as a reminder? Ouch.
5. Your coffee screams that you were up late having fun, perhaps even hungover. When you own an agency as demanding as ours, the last employee I need is someone who is reliving Mad Men.

While I’m at it, enough with the big, dumb Stanley cups (thanks, SNL!) and these massive containers with huge straws. Are you all hydrating after completing an Ironman? Time to grow up.

Though don’t forget, to quote Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross, “Put that coffee down, coffee is for closers.” If we hire you, enjoy all the java you want. We have one hell of an espresso machine that gets a nice workout at the ‘Cat.

Until then, leave it out of the interview. And if asked if you want water or anything at all, the answer is absolutely no. You’re there to impress, not to be served.

Rant over!